Coming Out

I have been thinking about coming out and it is a story that I really share because I have never figured out how to share the story in a manner that doesn't make me seem crazy or messed up by my experience.  I figure it would better to do it anonymously.

I guess you would say that I have always known that I am gay.  I've known since kindergarten.  Although at that time, I didn't have a word for it.  Maybe, different.

In college, I dated a couple of girls.  When the girls couldn't bring those sexual emotions outside of me, I became asexual.  Without sexuality.  After college, I ran into a rough spot in my life.  I had a horrible job and I couldn't figure what was wrong with me.  I remember that I was having awkward conversations with my friends about whether or not God would love someone if they committed suicide.

Then I read about this guy who took nine months off in his twenties to write his autobiography.  He discovered his purpose in life.  So I decided to write my own autobiography.  I figured if I wrote about all of the high and low points that I would figure out where I went wrong in life.  Maybe find a hidden pattern.  One thing that I had ignored and was finally able to give a name to was that I used self mutilation in high school as a means to deal with the emotional struggle.

By the time that I resolved that issue as much as I could, my life was still awful.  I decided to attend therapy.  I had always told myself that there must be something wrong with me.  I must have a brain tumor in my head that is causing me not to have those feelings towards girls.  I went to therapy and she told me that I was perfectly fine. That I was handling everything well.

When I couldn't find anything wrong with me, About two months later, I came out to myself.