Boardroom

The purpose of this exercise is to think of different parts of your personality/life in a boardroom context.  Who holds the most power in the organization.  What positive and negative roles do they fullfill.  Look at where they live and their actions.  Give them names.

Daydreaming Dan (Emotions, Attitude, inner self)

• spends a lot of time thinking of unrealistic thoughts or threats
• loves both negative and positive emotions
• Has a self destructive bent
• Dwells on the past
• indecisive 
• Sensitive, cares what others think
• Imaginative creative side
• visualize a better future
• in the moment, fun, extroverted
• adventurous
• novelty
• risk taker
• energy passion enthusiasm

Orderly Orpheus (Rules and Order, Intelligence)

• Rigid and rule oriented
• Doesn't like ambiguity
• Doesn't like being different from cultural norms
• cautious, orderly
• Goal oriented
• technical skills
• methodical

H. Robert Smith (Social, value/principle focused)

• Wanting to fix or save everyone
• not focused
• seeks a higher purpose, discernment
• partnership, connection, community
• civic
• generosity, empathy
• synergy
• makes you feel valued appreciated, comfortable

Current Boardroom is 1Daydreaming Dan 2 Orderly Orpheus 3 H Robert Smith

Future Boardroom will be 1 H Robert Smith 2 Daydreaming Dan 3 Orderly Orpheus

Write a letter to your parents

I was listening to a audio program that said that each of us should write a letter to the people that have hurt us the most.  Here is my letter.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I just wanted to say that I forgive you for not giving me everything that I need when I was growing up.   For the times that I pushed you away and I said for you to leave me alone and you did just that.  For the times that you unintentionally allowed my brother to pick on me.  I forgive you for not really looking hard at the warning signs that I was having trouble.  I forgive you for not taking care of me in the best possible way.  I forgive you for teaching me to keep secrets.  For asking me to keep the truth.

I want to thank you for doing the best you could.  I work with a lot of children.  I realize just how frustrating, exhausting and tiresome it is to interact with them.  I find myslef not knowing what to say or what to do.  Or if I am doing everything right.  I find that I am a lot like my parents in both their strengths and weaknesses.  I don't know when I should hold or scold.  Is it dramatic or serious behavior.  As I look back over the time I have spent I see all of the beautiful times I spent together and the times I could have gone further.   I just wanted to forgive you with no animosity or hurt.

I've taken responsibility for my whole life.  All of those desicions were just feedback into how I want to live my life.

Banter Lines

“I’m jealous. If I looked like you, I’d have a new girlfriend every day.”

“What did you ever do to deserve to be that handsome? Nobody deserves that.”

“You must have been good in a previous life to get that face…and I must have been bad.”

“No way you’re forty-three.” Then, add, “Wow! You’re ancient,” which, in context, is a roundabout compliment. Shake your head: “You’re a medical miracle.”

“You must have a picture in your attic that ages while you stay young.”

Or, “You must have sold your soul to the Devil. What’s it like having to do his bidding?”

Say, “You must be taking a human growth hormone or sheep’s glands or something.”

“See?! Just the fact that you would say that shows what good judgment you have!”

“I don’t know why, but being around you always puts me in a good mood.” (The “I don’t know why” makes

the compliment seem unintentional.)

Or, “Being around you always seems to take the edge off my bad mood.”

“When I see you, I somehow just know I’m going to be enjoying myself.

“You have a lot of animal magnetism.”

‘I avoid self-responsibility the most when…’

‘I avoid self-responsibility the most when…’

• I think that I can get away with passing the buck
• when things are uncomfortable.
• When I have no clear plans about what I am going to do next.  
• every expects me to be un-self-reliant
• there are no consequences.  

Reflect on what you’ve written. What does it tell you about yourself?

It tells me that I have to have goals in my life and to put in some consequences to not achieving my goals and dreams.  I need to have valid reasons and determination for going after what I want in life.

Affected your confidence

List some of the factors in your life – including past events, people and situations – which have affected your confidence. In what way did they affect you? Now, without making any judgements, consider how your attitudes and beliefs, fantasies, communication style and actions have created your life. Write down anything that seems relevant. 
In the past, I have had some destructive friends. I thought that I was just like them in many ways. I was supporting them so then I would not have to deal with my own problems. Hopefully by solving their problems I would solve my own. It most definitely was a fantasy.

Bosses and authority figures really shake my confidence. I don't want to seem weak and ill prepared. I don't want to have an opinion that differs from them. I hate to rock the boat. I usually conform rather than rebel. There is security in following. I don't follow a life script that is my own. I make myself aggravated. Even though a lot of times I believe in the goodness of the rules and practices.

An event would be right after graduation where I didn't know what I wanted to do. There was just so many possible directions that I could have taken. I had some fantasies that one day that I would wake up and my new exciting life would just fall into my lap. Every day that it didn't happen; it made me fall a little more into a depression. I got out of it by being goal oriented.

Fight Club

When I was in college, I watched the movie Fight Club for the first time.  One of my friends told me that I was Jack or the narrator and he was Tyler Durden.  Which is kind of sad because in a lot of ways I was just like the narrator.  I was shy and weak.  I was in a dead end job.  I had no passion.  No real life.  The reason that I liked this particular friend was that he was everything that I wanted to be.  He was rude and decisive.  He was larger than life.

Just like the movie, I had to overcome him.  I had to dig deep into myself and find that inner strength to be myself.  I think that pickup is that last stage that started so many years ago in college.  I have been on a constant movement towards being my best self. My true self.

How confident are you?

How confident are you? Give yourself a mark out of ten, where ten means you feel you can achieve anything you desire (if you apply yourself ), and zero, that you feel totally incapable of anything. If you give yourself less than ten, ask yourself why. Reflect on the mark you have given yourself.

I feel like I am an eight.  I am very capable of doing multiple things yet I get derailed through self doubt.

Adaptability

How good are you at adaptability: Travel. Cultural knowledge. Exposure to new things and unfamiliar situations. It's where adventurousness, spontaneity, independence, risk-taking, and the ability to handle new situations, and the ability to handle new situations.


I like situations that are well known and I am cautious.  That being said, I've had a lot of experiences where I surprised myself.  I went to backpack through Europe alone, I went to live in a foreign country for two years.  I worked at a sleep away camp for two summers. I survived a natural disaster.

I just need to have more planned spontaneity.  If you can plan it.

Looks

Define yourself in terms of looks: Well groomed and Standing out. Belonging to a tribe he wants to be part of or at least visit.

I am a decent looking guy.  I am not as conscientious about my grooming.  I have a couple of stray hairs that could use some trimming.  I like all of the shirts that I have bought over the last couple of months.  They are bright and colorful.  They are very different than how I dressed before.

I have no idea what type of pants I should be wearing.  I heard my friends making fun of someone because they wore pleated pants.  I have a vague idea of what that means but I have no idea how I look in them.  Someone told me that I looked good in my pleated pants.  I just need to take a woman shopping with me.

My shoes are a disaster.  I treat my shoes awfully.  I rarely take care of them, no shoe buffing, and I never look to see if they are muddy or stained.

It is my goal to buy some cologne.  I had fun last time I went to Macy's to buy some.  The bottle I chose was $80.  I am going to find a smaller cheaper bottle at a factory outlet.

Limiting Beliefs

Write down three beliefs that you hold about yourself which could be limiting your confidence.

• That I will not have goals, a future, passion
• that I am not being my real self.
• That I will not be able to face the challenges ahead of me.

Overall, very untrue and yet nonetheless defeating thoughts that keep me from going ahead.  It is a fake it until you make it exercise.  Ultimately, I have to make it.

Ideal Man

Describe your ideal man in detail  What is he like? Go into as much detail as possible – the way he looks, sounds, feels, smells etc. Go into even greater detail – the way he smiles, the books he reads, the way he talks – and make a vivid mental picture of him, with sight, sound, feeling and even smell.  

• Intellectually stimulating conversations.  Knows something about life either through books, school or life.
• Tall and thin
• Is not an alcoholic or drug addict
• Displays kindness to everyone.
• Must get along with my family
• Successful professional and financial life
• someone who wants to have kids
• Committed
• Support of me and my goals
• Spend nine hours together, not say a word, still have a good time
• A good lover who can express himself physically and lovingly with consideration and openness.
• Compliments my life. 
• Religious or at least spiritual.

Coming Out

I have been thinking about coming out and it is a story that I really share because I have never figured out how to share the story in a manner that doesn't make me seem crazy or messed up by my experience.  I figure it would better to do it anonymously.

I guess you would say that I have always known that I am gay.  I've known since kindergarten.  Although at that time, I didn't have a word for it.  Maybe, different.

In college, I dated a couple of girls.  When the girls couldn't bring those sexual emotions outside of me, I became asexual.  Without sexuality.  After college, I ran into a rough spot in my life.  I had a horrible job and I couldn't figure what was wrong with me.  I remember that I was having awkward conversations with my friends about whether or not God would love someone if they committed suicide.

Then I read about this guy who took nine months off in his twenties to write his autobiography.  He discovered his purpose in life.  So I decided to write my own autobiography.  I figured if I wrote about all of the high and low points that I would figure out where I went wrong in life.  Maybe find a hidden pattern.  One thing that I had ignored and was finally able to give a name to was that I used self mutilation in high school as a means to deal with the emotional struggle.

By the time that I resolved that issue as much as I could, my life was still awful.  I decided to attend therapy.  I had always told myself that there must be something wrong with me.  I must have a brain tumor in my head that is causing me not to have those feelings towards girls.  I went to therapy and she told me that I was perfectly fine. That I was handling everything well.

When I couldn't find anything wrong with me, About two months later, I came out to myself.

Purpose of Openers

1. Break the ice.
2. Get the girl talking.
3. Get the girl laughing.
4. Establish high social value.
5. Begin building and/or breaking rapport.

women types

Since I wrote about guy types, I found one on girl types.

The Princess: Daddy gave gave her a credit card and an attitude. Gentlemen start your wallets.

The Rockstar: Tattooed and pierced, she hangs with the bad boys and fights better better than you

Miss Conservative: She wears a chastity belt called morals … good luck finding the keys .

The new age chick: She ’s consulted her crystals, angels, and stars to find out you ’re not not for her .

The Mother: This delightful creature mothers everyone, and in her maternal efforts she is generous, loyal and reliable to all her friends. She can show surprising spunk in protecting those weaker than herself (in the way the mother fox protects her young), and is first on the scene when nurturing is required.

The Sister: We all know the independent feminist who fights for her principles and those of her less-strong sisters. She may have a slightly tomboyish air, have short hair and wear very little make-up – or, if glamorous, she will still have that fresh, healthy, girl-next-door quality. Full of life, she is daring, challenging and great fun. She is clever and capable of reaching the top of whatever path she cares to follow.

Favourite Aunt: Although she is introverted and prefers her solitude, everyone is drawn to her warmth and inner strength. As a child I loved visiting my neighbour, a typical Favourite Aunt. Her house was so pretty; there were homemade biscuits for afternoon tea, beautiful flowers in the garden, and she would set aside whatever she was doing to devote her time totally to my visit. She is most often an idealist, not ambitious, and may be recognised by her off-beat attire. She lacks emotion but is highly responsive
.
The Flirt: This woman does not have to be beautiful (although quite often she is) to attract the best-looking man in the room. She has a sensual magnetism that can mesmerise the most introverted man; defuse the highly tempestuous fellow and bewitch the outrageous playboy. She seems positively to sparkle in the company of men, but charms women just as effortlessly. The world is her stage on which she plays the leading role. She is gifted with an artistic flair and in a career which allows her creative talents a free rein – is highly successful.

The Wife: Flourishes with a man on her arm; she believes that she is nothing without a man. She chooses well; he has to be worthy of her adoration. She is totally devoted to her man, to the exclusion of her friends and children. From an early age she planned her wedding, dedicating her life to her career of marriage. Her pleasures are vicarious.

Modeling Successful Behavior

Name three guys you know personally who are successful with women? What aspects of their personality could you start to learn from in order to improve your own success?

• Sexual presence
• Playfulness (Cocky Funny & Negs)
• Body Language
• Personality
• Charisma
• Presence

Take stock of your relationship assets

Write down everything about you that is interesting and attractive. What reasons would a guy have to see you again, or to stay with you in a relationship?

• Loyal 
• friendly
• committed
• good listener
• funny
• can cook
• hold down a job
• volunteer work
• stability
• non-judgmental
• leader
• I've traveled
• kind
• strength
• intellectual
• compassionate
• supportive
• playful
• sexual
• safety
• resourceful
• go with the flow
• spiritual

Confidence

Think about, and if you like write down, what confidence means to you. What do confident people do that unconfident people do not?What would you do differently if you were confident?

• assurance: freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities; 
• a feeling of trust (in someone or something);

Another factor that is just as important as confidence is ability.  I don't care how confident someone is to do open heart surgery but if they lack the technical skill, they will not be able to achieve their goals.  

Confident people:

• stay at tasks longer
• don't give up as easily
• have faith in themselves and their abilities
• have an action plan
• Lay the groundwork
• look at the situation from an optimal angle.
• principle driven.

If I were more confident, I would follow my goals and dreams.