Friday, December 31, 2010

What stereotype do you portray with your image?

  My previous style was casual and comfortable.  My favorite clothing colors are black, dark blue, gray, brown and any dark color.  I would buy shirts that fit a little bit baggy.

I recently went shopping with a friend to buy some new clothes.  I now have shirts in the colors of pink, red, lavender, yellow, white, and salmon.  I have not worn these colors in the last twenty years since the time my mother would buy my clothes for me.  I didn't like white because it got dirty easily.  Pink was a little too gay.  Red reminded me of my catholic school uniform.  Yellow reminded me of a bumble bee.

I am very conscious now to buy fitted athletic style clothing that fits my body.  I realize from photographs that horizontal striped shirts make me look heavy on my broad body frame even though in real life it is not the case.

To be honest, I have no idea where I want my fashion style to go.  

Heart's Desire

What difference would it make to your life if you knew without any doubt that you could achieve anything you set your heart on?


1. I wouldn't be afraid to go after what I wanted.
2. I would feel secure that even if I failed that there would still be success.
3. I would feel that I was not going at it alone.
4 I would follow my goals more closely
5 I would be the best person that I could be.
6 I wouldn't fear the criticism of others.
7 I wouldn't need the approval of others.
8 I would trust in the process.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Empower yourself by figuring out your core values

What are your values in life? Ranked 1 through 5.

1 Security
2 Safety
3 Order 
4 Harmony
5 Love

I hate ambiguous situations.  I sometimes have an irrational fear that I have done something wrong.  I thrive in environments where I feel comfortable and valued.


Determine how many of the values you came up with are ones you can actually provide in a relationship.


I can provide all of these feelings yet I often don't.  I feel that I am so wrapped up in my own feelings that I really take the time to make the other person feel safe and secure.  I usually want the other person to show their love before I show anything.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

What Tribe are you?

I go to a certain coffee shop in town that caters to a large group of gay people.  One man that regularly comes in wears sleeveless running shirt, running shorts, anklets, and sneakers.  I have never seen him dress in anything else.  I bet you have an idea in your head what this guy looks like based upon this description.  There is a theory that we each belong to a certain tribe. Each tribe has its own dress, language, and customs. In terms of seduction, each of us goes after a certain "tribe" of guy and if we wanted to attract someone, it would be best to dress in a certain way to help that attraction.  In the gay world there are a few common tribes, fashion styles, and scenes:

Bear: A term to describe a husky, large man with a lot of body hair.

Twink- young looking gay guy usually in late teens early twenties. slender build little no body hair.



Casual:  Everyday jeans and T-shirt style dress.   


Preppy/Fashion:  Being overly fashion conscious.  Knowing what is in style and having more than two closets worth of clothes. 



Strait acting: The term also known as butch often refers to a gay man that has either a masculine appearance or mannerisms. The word butch can have a negative or positive connotation depending on the usage. Example: I like to drink beer and watch sports. The only gay thing about me is that I sleep with guys.



clone: a person who imitates or copies another. The stylized gay outfit of the day.


Daddy: An older gay man who often seeks younger men.


Diva: A gay man, drag queen or woman that presents themselves as a strong-willed, confident and sometimes arrogant person. A diva is considered an icon to be admired for their beauty and pose.

Femme/ Campy /Flamer/ Nellie: The term femme or queen often refers to a gay man that has either a feminine appearance or mannerisms. The word femme can have a negative or positive connotation depending on the usage.

gym bunny/ Jock: A person who works out merely for aesthetics: noun. A muscly homosexual male, who obviously works out in a gym.

leather:  A kind of masculine homosexual behavior or uses leather clothing.

Power gay/ A-List Gay: -the homosexual elite that has power, money, and privilege.





Bad Boy (danger) Someone who's dangerous and thrilling to be around.

Adventurer (fun) Someone who's fun and exciting to be around.

Seducer (sex) Someone who is sensual and sexy and makes her feel sexy.

Artist (Musician, Poet) (emotion) Someone who moves his emotions and is enigmatic and complex.

Successful Guy (means) Someone who provides a great lifestyle and stability.

Regular Guy (loyalty) Someone who is down to earth, loyal and stable.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Goal Setting

J.C. Penny once said, "Give me a stock clerk with a goal, and I'll give you a man who will make history.  Give me a man with no goals, and I'll give you a stock clerk."  I heard a statistic once that said that 90% of people do not set goals.  About a year ago, I was one of those people who did not set goals.  My life reflected that anxiety of not knowing where I was going nor what I would be doing for that month, year, or five years down the line.  

I remember people telling me that rigidly planning your life locked you into a certain future.  That a person doesn't have the freedom to do whatever they wanted. I used to do the shotgun method of life.  I would take all of the possible outcomes and whatever I would metaphorically hit, I would do.  I am here to tell you that goal setting is so much better.  Goals give you the power to focus all of your energy on a specific task at hand.  
Whenever I want to change course, I take five minutes to write up a new set of goals.  

Below are my written goals for the next nine months unless otherwise noted.  I like to practice a hybrid method.  I want them SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely) and I also put part of my mission statement next to a few of them.


Coming Out: I will live my life with integrity and express my sexuality if asked and appropriate except in situations that will cause physical or emotional harm.
-I will come out to my extended family when I return to my hometown September 2011

Career: Be gainfully employed. Be a leader in my field.
-Obtain an entry level library job.
-With two years of experience, I can go do anything I want.
-networking
-join 2 professional organization (Local / national)
-join a professional sub-group
-job interviewing. Review and practice 100 most common interview questions. June 2011

Family: I will be frequently "there" for support and love.
-Be a parent by age 40

Love Relationships:
- I will be faithful, find a guy to love and care for, and be committed for the long haul.
-To be married by 35

Learning: To be mentally and morally awake.
-Learn Spanish.
  • Test February 2011.
  • Study five hours daily (fill out chart)
  • Final exit Spanish interview August 2011
Attitude/ Balance: to free myself from destructive and addictive behaviors.
-gossip: I will keep what others tell me in confidence regardless of the content.
-Excitement about coming home
-Positive attitude about my future and getting a job.

Physical:
-Diet
  • Cut out soda from diet
  • Eat a local diet
  • Weigh 180 and maintain April 2011
  • Find ten easy to cook recipes
-yoga
  • 3hours a week
-pushups
  • 200 daily (fill out chart)
-body weight exercises
  • 2 hours a week

Pickup
-Touching
-Blog
  • One entry daily. Focus on Storytelling, relationship questions, openers)
-Fashion, clothes shopping
  • Buy one nice piece of fashionable clothing a month
- Developing / Conveying Confidence
- Initiating Conversations
- Approaching
-grooming
  • Find and buy a cologne
  • change hairstyle
  • manscape, eyebrows, shave
  • whiten teeth
  • Brush twice a day and floss
-Buy these Magazines
  • Vanity Fair, Esquire, Men's Health, Out, Advocate, Instinct, , GQ
-cocky funny/banter
  • copy sayings on note cards and practice
-voice
  • Work out with the video
-walk
  • practice walk
-Networking
-Talking my head off
-personality development
-touching
-playful
-eye contact
-body language
  • practice reading body language

spirituality
  • Read the bible in a year (daily email readings with commentary)

travel
  • Save a $150 a month ($150 x 12 months = $1,800)
  • Research these 3 trips: 1 Camino de Santiago, Spain 2 France 3 Machu Picchu
Financial:
-Debt Free by age 35


Prostitute Opener

This is my favorite opener because it is totally outrageous and believable.  I think it would work well for women. I find that gay men want a guy to be sexual without having sex being at the forefront.

Hook: Do I dress like a prostitute?

Story: The only reason that I ask is that I was on the street waiting for the bus and this nice car pulls up.  He rolls down his window and I figure he is going to ask he for directions.  He asks me if I want a ride?  I tell him no.  He then tells me that he will make it worth my while. At this point, it still doesn't dawn on me that he wants to hire me until he starts to grope himself. Too bad he wasn't cute.  

Monday, December 27, 2010

Sending a Message on a Social Networking Site

I was reading an article that talked about sending a message on a social networking site.  I am sure you have had a similar experience where you are so happy to see a message in your inbox and the only words are in the subject heading.  "Hey" or "sup." This person wants you for friendship, sex, or a relationship but they did not bother to tell you which.  Then, I have no idea what to write back.  I hate to be the one to sustain a conversation that I did not start.

When messaging someone on a social networking site, it’s important to actually… well, write a message. This isn’t rocket science, folks! If you’re just trying to get someone’s attention,  most men will prefer an actual message.

I think that the problem is that sometimes I would really like to write a message but there is no information on the profile that would allow me to send a message.  "hey, nice shirtless pic. you seem nice."  Sometimes, it is best to send an opener/roleplay question.


Hey, I was just downtown yesterday and I saw these two guys getting in a fight over this girl.  (between you and me the girl must have been cold in that skimpy outfit).  One of the guys looked just like you.  It was a good punch if it was you or your handsome doppelganger. Anyways I am going to put you on speed dial if I ever need someone to fight for me.

It gives them something to respond to and it also is playful.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Bad Opener

I really thought that this would be a good opener.  The question is "How young is too young to have a facebook account?"  The story is that my friend has a daughter who is in kindergarten and my friend set up an account for her daughter. 

The problem with this question is that no matter how positively you answer this question everyone always brings up the danger of the Internet for young people.  Which makes you come across as creepy.  Also, most men do not find child rearing as an attractive topic.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Storytelling

Here is a good article about storytelling.  In general, I think that the stories that you tell should convey your personality and have positive aspects. The simpler the story the better.  For example, a story about bungee jumping usually only conveys one aspect of your personality and people usually can figure out the ending before the story is over.  A interesting story about a trip to the grocery store is relatable, conveys personality, and the listener has no idea where the story is going to end.  Positive aspects mean that overall people get a positive impression of you even if there are negative elements.  Getting robbed is a negative element but as long as a person handles the problem in a proactive and positive manner, the story leaves an overall positive impression.

Some Bad Stories From Some Horrible First and Last Dates:

I was talking with a guy about how cheap it is to live in a foreign country.  His response:  My rent was only $30 but I was always going to the capitol.  I would meet a guy and then I would have to pay for a hotel room so I could bang him.

This guy was really thin but he used to be fat.  I used to weigh 300 pounds.  I was living with my boyfriend at the time and he was afraid that I would go out and find someone else.  So he would constantly feed me.  One day I decided to leave him so I took all of his things (TV, DVD player, clothes) and I threw them in the Jacuzzi.  I left and never looked back. 

I got a weird feeling:
Me: When was the last time you dated a woman?
Him: Last week.
Me: Are you gay or bi?
Him: I don't know but with your help, I'll be able to tell my parents.

My Former Stories:

I would tell my dates that when I came out, I had went through a period where I had been very promiscuous.  I think I unconsciously wanted them to know that I was damaged goods.  Better to find out now then later down the road. 

I would tell my date that I dated girls in college.  I would make a joke about how I did not know why we broke up in the first place.  That story always brings up extra questions such as my what is my sexual orientation and when was the last time I dated a girl.  Plus, I come off as a jerk because she loved to make out and I would look at my watch. 

Friday, December 24, 2010

What is pickup?

Pickup Artist (PUA) is a term used to describe someone who is or who at least strives to be skilled at meeting, attracting, and seducing others.

The term  is usually associated with the seduction community, a male subculture based on the goal of improved sexual and romantic abilities with women. Pickup artists develop routines and gambits  to stimulate attraction switches often combined with techniques derived from neuro-linguistic programming and an understanding of social psychology. They aim to improve their seductive capabilities through the development of attractive personalities and lifestyles.

The culture surrounding pickup has spawned an entire industry servicing those straight men who want to improve their social and seduction skills with books, consultations and in-field training.  

All of these books, videos, and CDs contain a lot of information that on the surface seems kind of sleezy.  (Who goes up to some random stranger and smacks them on the ass?)  What I hear over and over is that a self confident person can get away with it.  I am not sure if I want to try.  I also wonder how much of these tactics apply to seducting men.

Introduction

I really got interested in pickup this past summer.  I have been making some really massive changes in my life and I moved to a new city.  When I read Neil Strauss' book, The Game, it really spoke to my yearning to be a more well rounded person.

I'm not bad looking, I have a stable job,  I have traveled the world, and I am not socially awkward.  Yet, I have not found the type of guy that I would really like to date.  In this process of self discovery, I realize that if I want to date a higher class of person then I have to step up my game.  I hope you enjoy my adventures.